1. Image and style shall be your primary concern. When suffering, one
must focus first on maintaining a cool, even composure, and second on
performance. Winning races is an added talent, and only counts if said
euro cyclist wins with appropriate style.
2. You shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain black spandex
shorts or any team kit containing non-prominent Logo's.
3. The Socks must extend no less than 2cm below the main bulge of your
calf muscle, and shall never extend further than 1cm past the primary
calf muscle bulge. All socks shall be white in colour with prominent
logo placement.
4. Cycling shoes must be of white colour only!
-in certain circumstances, other colours, such as world cup stripes are
perfectly acceptable and encouraged.
-Red shoes are NOT ENDORSED by this group.
5. If white cycling shoes are not available where you reside, white
booties with prominent logos shall always be worn.
6. You're bike frame must contain more than 3 colours, and must always
fit tastefully with your wheel selection.
7. Zipp's are to be used as training wheels ONLY. You shall race only on
Lightweights and occasionally Bora's if no lightweights are accessible.
8. Ridiculously stylish eye wear is to be worn at all time without
exception.
9. In most circumstances, hair shall be kept neatly short, and matching
helmet shall be worn (again with prominent logo placement). Under NO
CIRCUMSTANCES shall a clashing helmet colour be worn with your euro kit.
10. In several cases, it is deemed acceptable to have long hair. In this
event, hair shall be neatly slicked back in maximum euro-styling, and
helmet shall not be worn. Stylish sport eyewear shall be worn at all
times while exercising this option.
11. A prominent line where your kit ends and where your tan begins is
essential to your image. Artificial tanning is banned, the tan shall
reflect the level of training commitment.
12. All podium shots (pictures) shall be taken with the euro-rider
wearing team kit and appropriately matching casual euro shoes (such as
puma's). Socks shall remain within the guidelines above. The rider is
expected to display an appropriate degree of bulge while receiving
kisses/trophy.
13. The seat shall ALWAYS be white along with the handlebar tape, and
must be made in Italy or France.
- Exceptions to this rule are seats or handlebar tape containing the
following colours: WorldCup Stripes, Olympic Gold, Italian flag colour
combo (green red white).
14. You shall not, under any circumstances, acknowledge the presence of
a cyclist riding a bike costing less than $4000 USD in a public place.
This could be severely detrimental to your image.
15. Legs will be SHAVED year-round. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. In some
cases, certain hair removal creams endorsed by succesful euro's are
deemed to be acceptable.
16. A rider will ALWAYS have liniment applied to his legs before
appearing in public.
17. Facial hair will be restricted to a goatee, and even this is
discouraged. Moustaches are EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED.
The only exception to the facial hair shall be SHORT sideburns--these
are acceptable at the discretion of Cipo or a similar authority figure,
on a case-by-case basis.
18. Ceramic bearings shall be used at all time on both training and race
bikes.
19. Campagnolo shall be the only acceptable componentry and is hereby
deemed superior to ANY Shimano product in ALL circumstances. You are
expected to have nothing less than an ENTIRE campy grouppo. Crank
substitutions are NOT permitted.
20. ALL wheels shall be equipped with tubulars, regardless of your
ability in gluing them.
21. You shall NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, associate with triathletes.
It is FORBIDDEN to have any number inked onto your body before a race.
22. Any physical activity, other than cycling, is STRONGLY DISCOURAGED.
This includes any form of running or swimming and their derivatives
(this includes walking).
23. You shall never rearrange your package while riding. Adjustments
regarding seating/hanging comfort are to be done in private in order to
preserve image.
24. In a circumstance where any cyclist ever displays aggression or
disrespect towards you, you shall ride up uncomfortably close to them
and slap them in the face with your team issue gloves. (Which must be
white)
25. MTB gloves are FORBIDDEN in all instances. Cycling gloves will be
slick, white (in accordance with kit), and have minimal padding. Padding
will be beige or white in colour. In the case where said euro cyclist is
wearing a leader's jersey (This should be always) special gloves will be
made to match the colour of the jersey while blending the team kit
colours simultaneously.
26. In the event a motorist disturbs your ride, you shall proceed to
ride up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the trunk of the
car while doing your best attempt to sound irritated in Italian. Wild
arm/head are strongly encouraged to enhance the apparent rage.
27. Training is based solely on feel while racing is be guided by
sensations and instinct. A real Euro cyclist never gives in to
scientific training methods.
28. Gearing is restricted to a titanium Campy Record 11-23 cassette with
a ABSOLUTE MINIMUM of 42-53 up front. One shall never be seen pedaling
at a cadence over 90 in case it detracts from his calm/smooth factor.
The use of 25t cog is acceptable in special training circumstances.
29. ALL BIKES shall feature personalized nameplates next to ones home
country's flag located on the top-tube within 10 cm seat-tube ON ONE
SIDE ONLY.
30. Pedals MUST be either Speedplay, Time, or Look. No other pedals are
to be considered and ANY form of Shimano product is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.
If one is found possessing Shimano pedals, title of euro cyclist will be
stripped immediately.
31. Coffee is a necessity and as such must be consumed strong (ie.
espresso) on a patio in Italy in full kit, it shall be drunk black.
Sugar is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON. The only milk present shall appear
frothed on top (if at all).
32. All pre and post-race activity will be conducted under a gazebo
(this includes massage, interviews, and looking fantastic) leaving one
in reasonable distance of the Euro-sun to top up your enviable tanlines
or pose for photo's.
33. Post-race, you must be utterly tied to your mobile phone, making
endless calls to your incredibly attractive euro-girlfriend or important
executives from modelling agencies. This will be done under the
protection of the post race gazebo.
34. ABSOLUTELY NO FORM of seatbag, frame pump, mud guard or mirror shall
come within 2 meters of the bike.
35. Team bikes will be built up so that they violate the UCI weight
limit, in order that weights might be attached to the frame to
demonstrate its superiority and lightness.
36. White bar tape shall be kept in pristine white condition and NEVER
extend further than 3cm past the hoods (exception during spring
classics, where standard bar tape wrapping is allowed). This state shall
be achieved either through daily cleansing or frequent replacement.
These jobs will NEVER be performed by the cyclist as you must maintain
your image.
37. Motivational music during training MUST consist of Late 90s house
and power ballads, or deep-trance hard-style German techno hereby known
as euro beats. NO EXCEPTIONS.
38. Nothing short of a naked black ALL CARBON water bottle cages
(manufactured by ELITE CAGES) will be used. The only exception is
special edition 24k gold cages which can be preferable in some
situations (such as photo shoots or prologues) where colour coordination
is key (this is always). Ex. Gold Cage with Olympic Gold/white team kit.
39. A gold pendant on a very long, thin chain bearing some form of
religious icon is STRONGLY recommended for mountain races.
40. While soloing in for a victory, you will ensure your jersey is fully
zipped and straight, so all title sponsors are clearly visible. You will
then smile and flex arms while pointing skywards. The projection of ones
fatigue is EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.
41. When appearing in a photo spread for sponsor's products, one shall
appear either fully nude or in full Armani 3 piece suits. Smiling is
prohibited in these instances.
42. When riding, under the helmet, a team issue cycling cap (white in
colour), shall be worn (depending on the hairstyle). The bill shall
remain in the downward position at all times. Cycling cap can be worn
forwards or backwards to coincide with current hairstyle. During spring
training, cycling toques WILL be worn at all time in place of caps.
он тогда в Динамо был) - - я тоже просто был сражён тем, как он тренировался. 
