Lingvo haven (мовний закуток) :)

[Гера]

Спасибо Огромное!!!! По свободе напишу перевод для одной англонеговорящей молодой особы женского пола... пойдет на пользу нашим отношениям

у особы была лошадь?

вот же негодяи

у нас у каждой была лошадь
и есть

[madcarrot]

блин, я тоже хочу лошадь!!!!

[Гера]

Неположено.
Политикой интересуйтесь.



Imaginary conversation between Bush and Condoleezza Rice on Bangladesh
Dr. Fakhruddin Ahmed writes from Princeton
-------------------------------------------------------

Below is a fictitious and wishful conversation between US President George W. Bush and the Secretary of State Dr. Condoleezza Rice, as Secretary Rice presents the President with a letter signed by sixteen US legislators.


Dr. Rice: Mr. President, here is a letter signed by sixteen Senators and Congressmen about Bangladesh.

President Bush: What's "Bangladesh"?

Dr. Rice: It is a South Asian country that used to be a part of Pakistan.

President Bush: Why isn't it now? What else has Musharraf been doing behind my back? I knew I couldn't trust the guy!

Dr. Rice: This happened long before Musharraf, Mr. President. In 1971 "East Pakistan" broke away from Pakistan and became Bangladesh.

President Bush: No wonder Henry Kissinger said you couldn't trust the Indians!

Dr. Rice: No Mr. President, Bangladeshis welcomed India's help.

President Bush: So, what's the problem now?

Dr. Rice: The legislators say that there is too much political and religious violence in Bangladesh, eminent citizens have been killed and the government cannot find the killers.

President Bush: I cannot find WMD in Iraq either. Join the club!

Dr. Rice: The legislators worry that if the violence goes unchecked, Bangladesh may become a haven for Al-Qaeda

President Bush: There is Al-Qaeda also in, what's the name, Bangladesh?

Dr. Rice: Al-Qaeda is everywhere, Mr. President.

President Bush: Then why can't I find them anywhere?

Dr. Rice: The legislators worry that if the trend continues, Bangladesh may fail as a state.

President Bush: So what's the big deal? I have failed in everything I did all my life, and look, I am a two-term President of the US! Way to go, what's the name again, Bangladesh!

Dr. Rice: The lower courts in Bangladesh are not independent, the legislators complain.

President Bush: So, what's-his-face, Bangladesh's courts are like ours! Remind me to mention this when I announce Sandra Day O'Connor's replacement.

Dr. Rice: Transparency International calls Bangladesh a very corrupt country.

President Bush: Make Enron and Halliburton opaque to them! And my reasons for invading Iraq. And the sinking of New Orleans because of the tax breaks for the rich. Who are these legislators, anyway?

Dr. Rice: Senator Ted Kennedy has signed the letter.

President Bush: That liberal fatso from Massachusetts! And you expect me to listen to him? Who else is there?

Dr. Rice: Senator John Kerry.

President Bush: John Kerry, from Massachusetts? The guy who tried to take my job away last year? And you mention him to me! Are you out of your mind, Condi? Let me see the letter (President Bush snatches the letter away). Who is Barack Obama?

Dr. Rice: He is freshman Senator from Illinois. He is African American.

President Bush: Very funny, Condi! I know for a fact that there is no African American in the Senate! Who else signed the letter? Colin Powell? If he did, I will fire him.

Dr. Rice: He resigned, Mr. President.

President Bush: Tell me something Condi. If whatchyoumaycallit, Bangladesh, is so bad, why didn't you tell me earlier? I would have invaded it! Why did the legislators have to tell me first?

Dr. Rice: Ummmmm…..

President Bush: You are fired, Condi! Just kidding! Tell me more about this Bangladesh. Who is the dictator of this evil nation ?

Dr. Rice: Bangladesh is actually a democracy, Mr. President.

President Bush: You got to be kidding me! I am telling the Arabs, the Muslims and the world that democracy is panacea for everything and you are telling me that this evil nation, what's the name again, Bangladesh, is a democracy! There goes my theory!

Thanks a lot! You haven't answered my question though: who is the guy that leads this Bangladesh?

Dr. Rice: It's actually a woman, Mr. President. Bangladesh has been ruled by two democratically-elected women for the last fifteen years.

President Bush: Do you have all your marbles with you, Condi? You mean to tell me that this evil Bangladesh is actually a democracy that has been run by two democratically elected women for the last fifteen years? I guess the next thing you are going to tell me is that Bangladesh is a Muslim nation and the two women are Muslims.

Dr. Rice (very embarrassed and red-faced): Actually it is a Muslim-majority nation and the two women leaders are Muslims, Mr. President!

President Bush (stunned): Let me get this straight. You mean to tell me that this Bangladesh, which I thought was an evil nation is actually a functioning parliamentary democracy which has been run by two women Prime Ministers for the last fifteen years, and we are trying to destroy it by labeling it a terrorist and failed state?

Dr. Rice: We are not attempting to destroy Bangladesh Mr. President; although some of our friends in the area may be.

President Bush: The neocons told me that Muslims and democracy do not go hand in hand. Now you are telling me that Bangladesh is a Muslim nation and a democracy which has been led by two women Prime Ministers for the last fifteen years. Why did the neocons lie to me, Condi?

Dr. Rice: You have to ask Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Feith, Libby, Bolton, Perle, Pipes, Krauthammar, Gaffney and Kristol that question, Mr. President.

President Bush: Muslims are supposed to oppress women. How did the two women Prime Ministers come out of their seclusion? Do Bangladeshi girls go to school, Condi?

Dr. Rice: Unlike neighbouring countries, Mr. President, up to the seventh grade more girls than boys attend school in Bangladesh. School is free in Bangladesh, Mr. President.

President Bush: Condi, I like this Bangladesh. It is everything I want to see in a Muslim or any other developing nation. I want to help Bangladesh in every possible way to defeat political and religious violence. I want to make Bangladesh a beacon of democracy, moderation, prosperity and women's empowerment in the Islamic and the rest of the world. Are you with me on this, Condi?

Dr. Rice: Absolutely, Mr. President!

President Bush: One more thing, Condi: ask their Bangladeshi American constituents not to make political contributions to these sixteen legislators and ask the Bangladeshi Americans to vote these sixteen legislators out of office!

Dr. Rice: I will, Mr. President.
-----------------------------------

Relevant links and sources:
http://www.thedailystar.net/2005/09/30/ ... 503118.htm
http://www.thedailystar.net/2005/09/15/d5091501022.htm (вот тут про письмо, подписанное 16-ю сенаторами).

[madcarrot]

I'd really hate it if girlies thought I am against them. So here's a joke about men jokes:


God says to Adam, "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?" Adam says, "Tell me the good news first."

God says, "I'm going to give you a penis and a brain. You'll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect."

Adam replies, "Wonderful! But what's the bad news?"

God says, "I'm only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time."

[madcarrot]

The best of religious:

GOD TAKES A HOLIDAY

God is sitting up in his ivory tower, tired and worn out. He's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he's decided to take a holiday. He calls all his super-being mates together to discuss a few suggestions.

St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Mars? It's nice and warm there this time of year." God shakes His head before answering, "Nah I went there 15,000 years ago. It was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty."

"What about Pluto?" suggests another. "No way!" God mutters. "I went there 10,000 years ago. Fucking freezing it was too."

"What about Mercury?" says another. "Are you kidding?" says God. "I went there 5,000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again."

"I've got it," says St. Peter, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"

"You must be joking," says God, chuckling, "I went there 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and they're STILL bloody talking about it."

[madcarrot]

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.

"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."

Before God had a chance to explain any further, Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to, please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals. I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..." Adam went on and on like an excited little boy who had to pee.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability.

And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection while in a vertical position. And so, he was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.

"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left here? Oh yes, Multiple orgasms..."

[Гера]

-------

Jesus vs. Satan


Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."


So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.


About ten minutes before their time was up, lightning flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.


Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them rebooted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became very irate: "Wait! He must have cheated. How did he do that?"


God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

[Гера]

Is a Computer a He or a She?


A pastor of a church who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she"; and "her." He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.



The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:


1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.




The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:


1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[madcarrot]

IRISH DECLARE WAR ON SADDAM

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr.Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to1 and a half million since we last spoke."
"Really?!" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

Paddy rang again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ted's ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guidedsurface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Faith and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right Mr.Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."

[madcarrot]

Cock your leg oh Paddy, dear

A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going,
everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other.

The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court".

The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened". The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride. The judge says "OK".

"Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song.. when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates".

The Judge instantly responded... "God.. that must of hurt!"
Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers."

[Гера]

My name is Pont. James Pont.

Rest in Pieces.

Don't worry, but memento mori.

"Politics": from "poli"= many, tics (ticks) = blood-sucking parasites.

All rigts ignored.

[Гера]

Нюансы перевода

- Скажите, кто вы по профессии?
- Я – переводчик.
- Я вот слышал, что в английском языке письменные и устные переводчики
именуются по-разному.
- Да, одни называются translater, другие – interpreter.
- А чем отличается работа translater от работы interpreter?
- Отдельными нюансами перевода. Вот, например, translater, спокойно
сидя за столом, читает и переводит: Let it be! – Пусть будет!
А interpreter (На слух! Утром! С бодуна!):
Лет ит би! – Давайте жрать пчел!
Чувствуете некоторые нюансы перевода?

-------

5 курс инъяза. Экзамен по английскому.
Профессор(уже не зная что и спросить): Что по вашему значит all right?
Студент: Всё направо...
Профессор: А что же тогда О.К.????
Студент: Возглас человека нашедшего ключ...

[Гера]

В лифте Останкино, войдя, очередной пассажир обнаруживает колоритнейщую фигуру. Гордый взгляд, большое пузо, бляха на цепи, прическа гребнем поперек...
Простите, спрашивает пассажир, кто Вы?
Я? - отвечает колоритный - Лондо Моллари, император Центавра. То есть, по-вашему, Кентавра. Пришел найти вашего переводчика и сказать ему, что он - цозёл.


An American in a British restaurant:
- I’ll have a bloody steak.
Waiter:
- Would you like some fu**ing chips with it?

[Гера]

ужс не могу остановиться

Я это уже выкладывала год или полтора назад, в горячо любимой всем моим сердцем (и навечно ушедшей в небытие) первой ветке синема клуба...
Я читаю это с удовольствием и сейчас. Может кто-нибудь тоже словит кайф
Enjoy.



EuroEnglish

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": --

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil sevants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaning "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

[madcarrot]

An American in a British restaurant:
- I’ll have a bloody steak.
Waiter:
- Would you like some fu**ing chips with it?

Гера, я под стулом. шутка недели!!!

[Гера]

Друзья, перевожу сейчас одну статью :morning:
вчера в полночь случайно столкнулась с трудностью.

At times like these, you may be better off avoiding conscious deliberation and instead leave the decision to your unconscious brain, as research by Ap Dijksterhuis and colleagues from the University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands shows.

Передо мной стояла задача "изобразить" фамилию русскими буквами.


зы: мне крупно повезло. у меня есть знакомый из Питера, который учится в Амстере. он был в сети и дал адекватную "транскрипцию". tnks God. а то мне было бы стыдно отдавать текст

Вот как бы вы красиво (не теряя "сути" фамилии) перевели, если бы у вас не было такого знакомого?
(кстати, в оригинальном исполнении она оказалась вполне ничего. я бы и себе такую взяла)

[madcarrot]

Дийкштерхус? Дийкстерхус? Дийкстерхуз? расскажи пожалуйста, самому интересно

[Гера]

Vladimir (23:47:39 29/05/2007)
Звучит примерно так: Дяйкстерхейс


Vladimir (23:47:53 29/05/2007)
можно Дейкстерхейс

Vladimir (23:48:13 29/05/2007)
или даже Дейкстерхаус


Гера (23:48:24 29/05/2007)
Спасибо!!!
так как лучше?


Vladimir (23:48:44 29/05/2007)
напиши Дейкстерхейс


Гера (23:49:18 29/05/2007)
Спасибо! потому что у меня выходило что-то, похожее на матерные слова


Vladimir (23:49:55 29/05/2007)
ну да, это нормально а бывает наоборот - пишется вроде нормально, но вот звучит в оригинале....

Vladimir (23:50:19 29/05/2007)
например, казалось бы безобидное Goede morgen


Vladimir (23:50:47 29/05/2007)
G - считай ваше украинское Г


Vladimir (23:50:58 29/05/2007)
oe - у
а d зачастую глотается...


Vladimir (23:51:14 29/05/2007)
ну и вот :-(

Вот так вот бывает в жизни, дорогой друг Бешеный Морковь

[madcarrot]

Дааа, голландский останется для меня загадкой на всю жизнь....

[Гера]

Господа, как можно перевести следующие ма...
выражения в разрезе психологии и бихевиоризма?

confirmation bias

sunk cost fallacy

Плиз ай нид ёр хелп тудэй.
завтраужебудетпоздно.

[madcarrot]

Господа, как можно перевести следующие ма...
выражения в разрезе психологии и бихевиоризма?

confirmation bias

sunk cost fallacy

Плиз ай нид ёр хелп тудэй.
завтраужебудетпоздно.

эээ... а нельзя ли контекст? (можно в личку)

[madcarrot]

TWO STUDENTS MISS A FINAL EXAM

Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms--so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the University of Virginia to party with some friends.

They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virginia for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus.

Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?

[madcarrot]

Четыре степени сравнения английского прилагательного:

Deep -> deeper -> the deepest -> satisfaction

[Гера]

Contributed by Zaycheg

-------
несколько терминов из современного английского,
которые обозначают еще не описанные, но уже
существующие в России явления

мак-наци /mac nazi/ - человек,
помешанный на продуктах apple macintosh

футбольная вдова /football widow/
- женщина, которая в дни футбольных
матчей считает своего мужа умершим

русский /a russian/ - тот, кто
постоянно находится в состоянии
депрессии, видит мир в черных красках

брендализм /brandalism/
- завешивание городских фасадов
уродливыми рекламными постерами

викиальность /wikiality - от wikipedia и реальность/
- явление, существование которого подтверждается
большим количеством ссылок на него в интернете

10-е сентября /september 10th/
- синоним малозначительного и повседневного

сценический звонок /stagephoning/
- попытка произвести впечатление на
стоящих рядом людей разговором по мобильному

биоаксессуар /bioaccessory/
- человек, которого берут в общество
в качестве выгодного фона

рефрижераторное право /refrigerator rights/
- синоним очень близких отношений;
в буквальном смысле право залезть в
холодильник без спроса

синдром водителя автобуса /driving the bus/
- человек, который решил в выходные поехать
за покупкам и обнаружил себя на полпути к работе

сумка-невидимка /stealth bag/ - сумка,
сшитая таким образом, чтобы невозможно было
определить ни ее цену, ни изготовившую ее
фирму, ни образ потенциального владельца

экопорно /climate porn/ - взволнованная
и экспрессивная риторика, использующаяся
при описании климатических изменений на планете

бобо /bobo - сокращение от bourgeois и bohemian/
- человек, который, с одной стороны, успешно продвигается
по корпоративной лестнице, а с другой - позиционирует
себя как представителя конткультуры, то есть носит
определенную одежду и слушает определенную музыку

чуланная музыка /closet music/ - музыка,
которую слушают без свидетелей из-за боязни
быть осмеянным

усталость от паролей /password fatigue/
- психологическая усталость, вызванная
необходимостью помнить слишком много паролей

девичья кнопка /girlfriend button/
- кнопка "пауза" на игровых приставках,
которую нажимают молодые люди, когда
их подружке хочется поговорить

кресло гетеросексуалов /i'm not gay seat/
- пустое место в кинотеатре, которое оставляют
между собой два молодых человека, давая
окружающим понять, что они не педерасты

бабушка /babushka/ - милая бесполезная
вещь небольшого размера

блербститутка /blurb whore/ - писатель,
который в обмен на свою хвалебную минирецензию
/англ. blurb/ на обороте чьей-либо книги или диска
получает бесплатное путешествие, обед в ресторане
или что-то в этом роде

блондёр /blonder/ - молодой человек,
завязывающий отношения только с блондинками

поколение reset /reset generation/ - молодые люди,
которые, попав в затруднительное положение, предпочитают
не искать решения, а, как в компьютерной игре, нажать
кнопку reset /сброс/ и начать все сначала

via Esquire

[Гера]

There were men and women standing at the bus station. - На остановке стояли женщины и люди.


-------
Moslem troops - трупы Мозлема

near Munich - под Мюнихом

хор г.Железногорска - Metal city choir


-------
Название магазина в начале девяностых - "Фарт" (означает,
соответственно, "везение"), написанное латиницей, производит неизгладимое
впечатление на иностранцев "FART".


-------
ложные друзья переводчика:

natural - натурал
obviously - обвисли
apparently - родительски
cycle - сусл



вот такие вот дела, господа суслисты...